Am I woke now?
In heated flow last night, our instructor gave us a word she's been wanting to work on and carried throughout the week in all of her classes - Awareness. She wanted us to think about what the word, "aware", meant to us.
As I lay there in child's pose, I kept thinking to myself…shit, I really don't know! Typically, in yoga class you’re supposed to zen out to the point you’re only focused on your breathing, so I wasn’t really prepared for this, ah ha! moment. I truly couldn't stop thinking about it.
What does the heck does that word mean to me?
In deep thought and downward facing dog, it finally hit me. To be aware is to be informed, open-minded, conscious of your surroundings, conscious of yours and other's feelings.
The thoughts kept flowing as did my body, drenched in sweat from trying peacock pose for the first time (which is really hard). I had this moment in class where I began to think of all of my life's lessons up until this point. Lessons that taught me how to be aware and I actually got pretty emotional about it. I mean, I didn't cry, but I couldn’t shake it. So much in fact, that I wanted to share with you all.
Here goes nothing...
1. The grieving process has no dead line.
If you've ever lost someone you've probably heard about the "5 Stages of Grief" and to be quite frank, I think it's a crock of shit. There's a never ending list of stages that no one ever tells you about because I don't think anyone can really tell you what it's like learning to live without someone that means so much to you.
2. You're allowed to be upset about the loved ones you lost.
I think by society's standards there's this stigma that if you lose someone it's just a part of life and at some point, you're supposed to be okay with it. However, that is definitely not the case. You should never feel guilty about being "in a mood" because you miss someone so much. It's ok to cry when something reminds you of that person. It's ok to be in your own space away from others because you can't filter your emotions. It's definitely ok to feel anything other than happiness because a piece of you was taken.
3. Time doesn't heal everything (yet).
When a significant event happens to you where your whole world gets rocked... the only way I can describe it is, it's like a wound that starts to scab but at any point, that scab can be picked and your back to open + repeat that process a million times over. One day, things will be different. If they aren't right now, have faith they will.
4. I have the power to dictate how my life is.
This is something I'm still working on.
"What you allow in your life is what will continue."
5. You aren't responsible for others, no matter what your role in their life may be.
(Ok, so definitely other than your kids. You're definitely responsible for them... up until a certain point.)
6. Learning to accept who you are is amazing.
It's not easy, but once you start to appreciate and love yourself, you really can’t be bothered. Of course, we're human, so we doubt ourselves and pick out our flaws, but to be aware of those negative thoughts in empowering. Channel that into something positive! Literally, stop yourself, go to the mirror, look at yourself straight in the eyes and say what you like about yourself. It does wonders for your psyche.
7. Accepting the past is difficult but necessary.
Another thing to accept isn't always the easiest pill to swallow. If you're like me, no matter how much time has passed I always think about what could've been, the what if's and maybe's, but it's necessary to not dwell on what you can’t change.
8. Success will only come if you truly believe it will.
9. Taking time away from others is not only beneficial, but crucial.
You cannot come to any sort of self-resolution when surrounded by others, it doesn't work that way. Eventually, everyone adapts to their surroundings, with that being people, situations, etc. It’s important to be in your own company for a change (if you're a people kind of person). It's healthy to recharge on your own.
10. If you want to live a positive life, lead by example.
Honestly, I don’t know why I’m sharing this. Maybe it might help someone down the road, or maybe I’m using it as a reminder to myself that it’s ok to not having everything figured out all of the time.
What does awareness mean to you?