Three years ago I filmed an introductory video for my blog only a few months after I started blogging. Candidly speaking, I had no idea what I was doing at the time and to be truthful, I still don’t. After cleaning up my website and going through old YouTube videos I had filmed, this one was set to private. For a while I didn’t have the courage to watch it because the fact I filmed anything about this blog was extremely nerve racking.
Obviously I caved after a few days and decided to hit play. Instead of cringing and forever deleting the video, it actually lit another spark in me. Sure, the editing isn’t great, my pronunciation is lacking, and I speak with my hands too much, but I smiled ear to ear because it was simply genuine. It reminded me that I should keep doing what I love.
Over the course of the last few weeks a number of people have asked about my blog and how it’s going. Which has been an eye opener since I cancelled my website’s subscription earlier this year; I thought I was wasting my time and money running a silly website, but it made me so happy that people were mentioning it. For months on end writer’s block was a major problem and I lacked the inspiration I once had to type up anything worth while.
The fear of failing at this - being inconsistent, losing inspiration, giving up - is still in the back of my head at all times and I’m trying to come to terms with the fact that it’s ok to put myself out there. I mean, I’ve been through some serious situations that no one likes to talk about…but I do. I’ve found there are so many people afraid of speaking on certain topics because they don’t want to be criticized or told they’re wrong, but I love the idea of it. I love conversations that open my mind or change my opinion because that is ultimately how you grow as an individual. So why I decided to censor myself in the past is beyond me, but I don’t want to lose my voice again.
I’m finding the courage to start all over because it’s a shame to give up on something you love and I want this to be a reminder to anyone - take risks, fail at it, try again.
So here I am, currently raising my wine glass (making a toast to myself) because I really can’t believe I’m doing this again but here goes nothing…
“Here’s to an unfiltered life and not catering to the people you think you should give a shit about. This is Sam Diego Living.”